Videntia

1. When Die's new solo project was still a base rumor, I was dead worried that this signaled the beginning of the end for Dir en grey. Until, of course, details were released that it's actually a conglomerate of performers who are just doing lives of classic freaking anime songs. And that Die-chan really just wanted to bring DBZ's Vegeta to life. Sounds harmless, right? So naturally I lol'd, kicked back, F5'd for live reports, and the next thing I
WAIT
A FUCKING MINUTE
DID SHE JUST SAY
THE SECOND SONG HE PLAYED
WAS SAINT SEIYA?!!?!??!?!!!!!!!!!!!??
WHAT
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT
FUCK I'M DYING I can't handle this level of ultra fandom crossover truck I'M ABOUT TO FUCKING IMPLODE SOMEONE HELP


DIR EN GREY (or Die, at least).
SAINT SEIYA

IN THE SAME SENTENCE. SAME CONTEXT.

2. 老莫, my internet Jesus lover crush who penned The World of Yesterday (aka THAT fic), is now writing its sort-of sequel. From Kanon's perspective rather than Saga's. Still unfinished, still serializing (daily updates! She is UNREAL), but already overloaded with so many servings of awesome that I'm pretty much weeping on a daily basis of how good she is. And pretty much doomed to translating this, too, whenever it's done.

...In fact I get the strongest urge to start on one particular segment right the fucking NOW, except...there is...one, last, most important deadline, tomorrow.

So so much love. How am I not bursting?

SSO promo

If everyone can only see just the small thumbnail version at all times, maybe this will actually still look good when I wake up tomorrow morning. Been trying for too many hours straight that I simply can't tell any more.

99% Approval Rate achieved, yet

something still feels majorly off, and I feel I can finally put a finger on why.

After the initial shock/anger passed, his stance essentially is now this: Get the training, get the first year or two of job experience, and then come over to China. I have the resources and connections to have you start your own studio. Draft a 5-year plan, a 10-year plan. No slacking, no drifting, no settling with a 5-digit salaried job. You want to do this, you better damn well make it big.

Which I have no problems with, in principle. "Dream big or go home;" "If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough," right? So why am I not happy that I'm getting what I want and earning their support? Why does it feel like oppression instead?

Only now I realized.

Citizen Kane.

While of course not an exact analogous situation, it, still, never really was about me, was it? It's still about his being in control, even if he firmly believes he's doing it all purely for my sake, for the best in my interest. I can throw him curve balls and majorly change the blank in what I want, and he can even be okay with it, but to think he would ever relinquish control, to ever cease pushing? That is foolishness.

And of course, part of this, too, feels like I'm just being a whiny unsatisfiable bitch crying over first world problems. Think of all the sheep children who never could fight to break the DOCTOR OR LAWYER routine. Think of what I have, miraculously it still seems, actually achieved.

I need to work on that portfolio. Deadline planned as the end of this month, as soon as I wrap up my other SSOnly promo.

Nike

Gift postcard for the Gemini table @SaintSeiyaOnly next month in Shanghai.

50% down

 

Came out to mom today. Cat's out of the fucking bag, thumbs up. Now on to the next (always tougher) 50%, and to officially pour fourth with that portfolio.

I actually didn't even remember what this 'ambition' tag was until I checked. And what a surprise, how fitting.

...Almost there.