-image edited by yuuzora -Erm, contradictory to what I guess most people would expect, this entry of mine will not actually be revolving largely around the subject of W. Instead...I suppose there are things that must be mentioned of Jing's freshie fwend that was previously left unsaid.
But first things first--Jing's actual program this spring so wonderful:
- free
- Late American Literature, Ms. Kincaid, 1025
- PreCal, Mr. Geller, 437
- lunch
- Health, Ms. Weinwurm, 513
- Gym A, Mr. Clemmons
- Physics, Mr. Thomas, 835
- AP Spanish, Ms. Montserrat, 740
- U.S. History, Ms. Burnell, 305
- ZT10 (the official free left open for sports team)
And then we ask: Well, where does Jason come in play admidst all this?
Let's rewind a bit, to the first couple of days of the fall term some four or five months back: Hyo and Jing freshly moved into the seats next to each other in physics, and had just walked out of the class together at the end of fifth. Approaching the eighth floor atrium toward the escalator, Jing halted Hyo to a stop, and pointed out to her the "Mini-Brother-W" she has been noticing since the first day of school. As we happened to be standing pretty close, and Jing had had the confidence of Hyo grabbing on to her for support, I gave the poor startled freshie a punch square on the shoulder out of nowhere.
Freshie: *gives a jump, jolts around*
Hyo: *also gives a jump, and immediately starts nagging Jing along the lines of "WHAT ON EARTH SORT OF AN APPROACH WAS THAT?! BLAHBLAH"*
Jing: *sort of ignoring Hyo and is busy smirking at the kid...I guess with the famous "8D" face* Hey...
Freshie: *looks nervously from Jing to Hyo to Jing, somewhat decides that he was punched by accident, and is about to turn around to leave/flee*
Jing: *grabs him by the arm* Wait! What's your name?
Freshie: Uh...Jason? *shiftily glancing between Jing and Hyo, looking as if he's really about to bolt now*
Hyo: *in between smacking/pulling Jing away and repeatedly telling her that she's scaring him too much and should better leave him alone, blahblah*
Jing: *half-yelling as is being dragged off by Hyo* Okay...do you happen to be associated with anyone by the name of Willis in this school?
Jason: Uh...no? *sort of watches as Jing's noggin disappears behind the wall down the escalators* ...
And then we fastforward past all the parts where Jing got to know him better, Chet and Soo got to know him better, Chet decided he wants to make the kid think he's out there to wape him, etc. Now this was the second to last day of the fall term...during fourth period lunch. This was the famous relation-changing talk we had that I remember mentioning in passing...but never really talked about. Soo had gym that day; it was just me sitting at some random boring table before I spotted him and went on to jump right at him as the habit goes. It was truly remarkable how he spoke before I did, and blatandly started on this specific subject out of nowhere.
Jason: Who is W?
Of course, I was quite surprised that he'd asked this frankly. It wasn't a subject I had on mind to go in to detail telling him, anyway; I pretended to not know what he's talking about.
"Don't you remember? I showed him to you the other day."
Jason: Well, yeah. I mean I guess I've seen who he physically is, but I'm asking who he has been as a person. Particularly, who he has been to you, how he's been related to you, and most importantly, why are you stalking everyone who reminds you even in the least bit of him. Like, what do you want of me and Phil, anyway? What did you ever expect to get out of us?
It's an understatement to say he'd surprised me and had taken me unaware. I figured at any time I can always easily pull something together to satisfy his curiosity on Brother W and be done with that; I wasn't too worried with him knowing a thing or two about his related "clone". But what almost made me lose my footing was the fact he had mentioned Ph--
"You...talked with Phil." I could barely make that sound like a question.
Jason: *pauses, looks at Jing for a while* Maybe.
It took me a while to realize that unlike Chet (who uses "maybe" all-too-frequently to cover up a guilty "yes"), Jason here was using the word to drag out his "advantage" over me for as long as possible. He was quick to sniff out the dread I felt at the thought that he might have even remotely approached the incoming soph, and he understood the upper edge in this convo will be his for as long as he can keep me under that fear. But before I figured this out and was still on the verge of trembling from my uncertainty, he'd pulled a chair over for me to sit in, and pulled another one for himself as well. (Ironically, the seat he sat me in was one that belonged to the special-ed people, complete with armrests and whatnot.) Oh god, I thought. The kid means business.
"You have to understand I don't really stalk you. Or Phil, really, for that matter. Or even if I remotely somewhat do, it's nothing close to what I do for W."
Jason: So what am I?
"To tell you the truth...I suppose you've been something more like a pet."
Jason: A pet?
Too late, I realized that was sort of the wrong thing to say. But by this time I must have realized he couldn't have talked to or approached Phil in any way or form, or else I couldn't have summoned the confidence to say what I remember saying next.
"Well, if you don't like it, I guess you can pick between either that, or being stalked. You'd prefer to be stalked?"
Jason: ...*meekly, weakly, mumbly* Yes.
That wasn't really what I expected. "I guess you really don't like the idea of being a pet, huh... Does it make you feel better to know, then, that you've more or less come to be a friend in your own right since a long time ago? I stopped thinking of you as a mini of W as soon as maybe a week or two after knowing you."
Jason: *looking pensive* Well, okay. But you still haven't told me about this W. Do you not know his real name, at the very least?
"Willis. I had asked you on the very first day I approached you. But I guess you didn't pay all that much attention to details I let slip back then than you do now."
Jason: ...What did happen between you two? You mentioned "since two years ago" a lot; that means freshman year second term for you. What happened then? You use the word "since". I'm guessing that's when you first met him.
"Go on." He wasn't disappointing me with his observation skills; at this point, I was rather getting mildy amused or even excited at him retelling his version of the history of W to me. There certainly was no more fear or worry concerning Phil; I'm left free to enjoy this as much as I dare.
Jason: Something must have happened, or else you wouldn't be this way now.
"I actually don't quite think I know what happened."
Jason: But you must know. There's no way you can't know. You must at least have an opinion or an interpretation of what happened.
"But this type of opinion is the exact type you cannot trust. Not when it comes from you yourself."
Jason: Something big had happened that freshman year second term. It somewhat survived through the summer, but started dying away at the begining of sophomore year.
"Spring term, Jason, spring term. You forget how often I mumble that even to myself. For two years we followed the same pattern of barely knowing each other in the fall but rebuilding in the spring. I'm on the verge of assuming this year would be the same."
Jason: Never assume anything.
"I'm not. I'd like to think I know better than to hope for anything."
Jason: But surely you've had an idea of where the whole thing has been going? Even if this next term goes as you hope it would, you have to remember there's only one more year left for you. What do you want by the end of that?
"I guess I've been trying to do something."
Jason: Well, apparently you haven't been trying enough. Not much has happened overall, has it? Or else you wouldn't be chasing after people like me. Or Phil.
"I don't know what I want from this."
Jason: Of course you do. You've been after it for two years; there's only that much time left. You are not doing enough.
"I know that part. So do a lot of people who know me and him. But believe me when I say I really don't know what I want."
Jason: Try harder.
"You sound like every other person I know who want to help me--and I'm sure they do, to some degree or other--but everyone is entertained by my whole experience in the end."
Jason: You can be sure I don't find any of this funny.
I look at him. "So what do you think?"
Jason: I find it...scary. The way you go about it, I guess, judging simply by the way you treat me, I think I can almost understand W.
Frustration. "How many times do I have to tell you, you don't remind me of him any more? You are like a friend or whatever in your own right." And it happened that the bell rang, just then. We we both saved from each other, I suppose.
Jason: Okay. Just remember, nothing is sure. Don't expect so much from the spring, either. You may be well disappointed.
Fastforward again to the present... There is no sense in blaming Jason for simply saying that. It's not like he cursed me or anything. This very morning on the train to the school...I was sick with worry as I juggled thoughts of my history grade from the fall term and my new program. I decided that for once, it's about time I try everything in my power to pull up that dreadful average of mine; never in my life have I ever worked to my full potential in terms of academics, and it's about time I change that (or at least try to). As soon as that thought entered my head, it's as if I'm offered a vision and a choice of two paths that lay in front of me: down one, I have a lavish program overfilled with classes-ful of W; down the other, I see very little of him...but will be then able to concentrate more on my new goal of finally setting out to get godly numbers in my report card without so much of a distraction. I chanted in my head, I was sick in my stomach, and I told myself I'd rather see very little of W if it would mean I get good teachers/grades to undo the horrible grades I'd gotten in the fall.
I think I understand now what they mean when people say, be careful of what you wish for.
Regardless, even W must have mentally prepared himself to the overexposal that never even came. Today as he had gym free and sat at that table in lunch...he didn't seem to mind too much at having me at the same table already (by which I mean he didn't pack up and scramble for dear life, but instead stayed calmly until the end of the period, largely ignoring my presence). I suppose this long, pointless-for-most-other-people entry helped me convince myself that I do not regret anything. Senior year...we'll see what happens senior year.
-
Phil cut the first day of school. Only he would do such a pointless and troublesome thing. Only him.
Brian/Fookie was telling me, during gym-free today, that he was at the school ice skating thing. Apparently, he was there all by himself, lacking friends or anyone to hang out with, but was incredibly good at skating. Usual attire, Fookie claims, and was probably there for the pure purpose of checking out the girls. Ha, ha...
-
Jason has always been a nice yet confusing kid. He literally runs from people he knows that I know (i.e. mostly Chet, Soo, and perhaps Waymond), yet he doesn't run at the sight of me. And sometimes he will fake (with extremely good acting skills, nevertheless) into a full panic when I first approach him, only to come back five seconds later to say hi or chatter whatever he has to say. We haven't touched the subject of W or anything of the like since that last time. But then again...I suppose there has been no need.
When he saw we both have fourth free again, today, when we were just walking in to the cafeteria, he walked headlong into one of the doors and bumped his noggin. I laughed at him. I petted his hair a lot. I was yet surprised that later, as I climbed up the stairs to physics and didn't see him coming down, he stopped, waved, and kept waving almost in my face until I did see him. I had to chuckle.
He's sort of like Chet in the sense he looks better/prettier the longer you know him. He's a very adorable child.
