tl;dr found love while lucid-dreaming, unusual considering I haven't dreamed at all since forming the habit of sleeping with laptop. Was affected for the rest of the day. Added to the list of (creepily literally) faceless strangers I will never forget.
I get so impatiently ahead of myself, again. If only I had the much-needed time to study.
Nothing like this job to remind me how little of a fuck I give about average everyday shenanigans that other social humans seem to care about. How does it not interest me even one bit? I fascinate myself.
Sometimes I want to believe that all fiction we output in our dimension are reflections of actual existence in others. That spark we call inspiration is a sex pilus shot through warped spacetime to reach each individual creator. Dreams are another channel through which these reflections flow.
I need to sleep with the laptop less so I can dream more.
In one alternate parallel universe born from thought, I took positive action at your last word to invite myself over to your door, with no plans save for work. No intentions of anything more. Silently, independently, we'd mutually embody that physical presence necessary to precipitate our respective work. A story or two might have been shared about my tablet. Midnight might have dawned, and I, politely kicked out by unspoken cue, would have then driven home.
As opposed to our actuality, where I fell passively wordless as if offended or nonchalant, and you spoke no more.
Woke up forcefully from one of those dreams for the first time last night. It was odd, because my first physical reaction was...alarm...that I was sick. I felt my legs covered in sweat swimming between the sheets, but was shivering and felt chilled to the bone at the same time. I even did a quick temperature check and was honestly surprised that I wasn't fevering.
The saddest part is probably that it wasn't even a nightmare. (Not to mention I've never had a textbook nightmare ever, period.) Just some very sickly emotional situation (that isn't even technically bad; it's always what I wanted deep deeply down, right?) that I hope to never face, yet, now, nevertheless, can't help but wonder.
I'm supposed to be way over this, but I guess my subconscious has yet to catch up...as per usual.
