[365-20]

Almost ready but not quite. I hate having to stop short at this stage.

[365-19] Rush

Quick mouse doodle because 1. picking up Dad from airport ate a chunk out of my evening free time, and 2. tabby was acting like a freaking cat true to its name.

Speaking of Inception, I did have a dream within a dream last night.

[365-18] Depth

Tired as fuck and taking a break from a break, Inception-style.

[365-17] Hair exchange 3.5

やっぱり I couldn't resist the temptation to jump ahead... So DM with Saga hair can basically pass for an ugly non-key frame BB*, but Saga is clearly Saga no matter whose hair is worn? Interesting.

*Chinglish shorthand/term of endearment for dark Saga, where B stands for black. BB = lit. translation of 黑黑 ≈ Blackie. It's a stereotypical name commonly given to dark-furred dogs. BB's coloring was black in the manga, changed to gray in anime.

-
Unrelatedly, I got a mosquito bite on my forehead. Spring is officially here.

[365-16] Hair exchange 3

Couldn't finish because I couldn't stop laughing. SO DISTRACTINGFU MANG
Also having a hard time resisting the urge to prematurely move onto Deathmask just to see the contrast.

[365-15] Hair exchange 2.2

Unfortunately, only had time to clean up Aldebaran today. NEXT UP IS SAGA OH DEAR GOD I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GOING TO DO THIS

[365-14] Hair exchange 2

Made fine adjustments to Mu and outlined a rough idea for Aldebaran's shading. Decided to keep original hair colors and swap 'dos only.

God I'm so tired.

[365-13] Hair exchange 1

Holy crap smooth line art and cell shading are a thing in their own league. But surprisingly fun...perhaps due to subject. And possibly a change of pace that I needed.

[365-12] Patch

Totally thinking of, you know, someone and someone. I wish I had the time/resources to do life drawings. Or to at least draw from life.

[365-11] Lighting

Struggled past midnight and still couldn't make things work for skin. Oh Kanon, why you so ridiculous?

[365-10] ゆめから

思い出さえゆめとなり
そばにいてほしい

tl;dr found love while lucid-dreaming, unusual considering I haven't dreamed at all since forming the habit of sleeping with laptop. Was affected for the rest of the day. Added to the list of (creepily literally) faceless strangers I will never forget.

Key words: meadow, search, ploy, reincarnation, ridiculously sharp blade, book, burning, 助けてください兄さん

[365-9] Sculptor's anatomy guide

I've been trying to find tutorials of this nature for ages. It likely means I'd be a much happier artist if I knew how to sculpt, first.

[365-8] Work vs. play

Why do I do this?

I'm beating myself up for something that ________________________________.
I have no intention of making a living out of this.
I seek improvement and ease of concept relay purely for a sense of ____________________.
Will this continued pressure condition me to dread drawing? Or is this just a phase that, too, will pass, if only I keep pushing far enough?

The best reassurance I've had in ages:

"Don’t forget how fun drawing can (and should) be. Do forget about impressing anyone. Just have fun. Don’t pressure yourself into thinking you’ve got to draw something amazing because if you sit down and think “I’ve got to make an amazing drawing” then you’re just going to end up staring at a blank sheet of paper. Just start drawing."



Thus, today's goal was to relearn fun. Because if "fun" means intentionless doodling, then I have been way too compulsive to "have fun" for the past ten years.

Perhaps that is also why, despite my historical (severe) tendency to fall for the Kanon-archetype in real life, it's Saga who blew me away and stole my soul instead. Too fucking much in common, down to the being very-prone-to-seduction by Kanon-kind.

[365-7] Kanon

Already I feel the first hint of burnout and reluctance. This is not fucking good. Struggle mode feels imminent.

I meant to tap into my fail-proof spring of ever-lasting perseverance to retaliate, but all it took was one expression to go awry and the next thing I know his brother got accidentally birthed instead.

[365-6] Studies

Trying to conceive what is male beauty. Lesson learned: facial shape/outline determines what the eye finds pleasing even more so than simple features alone. This was a ground-breaking realization that made me aghast at just how much I've always been grounded in stylized fake faces. How much I need to learn and improve upon is monumental.

Even copying is hard...

[365-5] Left vs. right

Always care and treasure the dominant hand. Love, not take for granted.

Sleepy today.

[365-4] Basic perspective

Trying to evolve this into something more.

[365-3] Eye

Ugh I hate being late. Can't wait until the cleanup is done so I can do more.

[365-2]

lulshitqualitylul

[365-1] New start

Daily sketches, no matter how busy or how late or how rushed. No exceptions, even in the case of internet outage. One year.

Where will I be when the countdown is over? Will I learn efficiency?

I just want to be comfortable.

070. I am what I create

And seems like I've already forgotten the meaning of why I do this. Ran a bit late tonight, so...

Tomorrow will mark a new start.

069. What

I...no. I will do this. Have to do this. Why can't I stop laughing at this picture.

068. Brain hole

Now whenever I hear a particularly moving piece of music I can't help but start filling it in with images of how it would translate in video. MFW I realize it's high time to give learning animation software a second go.

067. そばにいる

Why can't I get enough of you?

Why isn't there enough of you?

to fill this void

to feel your existence

I will create your existence.

066. Vanitas

Expression barred by hands and mouth; seeking refuge in sleep. But even sleep won't cure problems rooted in nonexistence.

065. This is where I was supposed to be yesterday.

...Yeah okay I suck at progress. :D

Played with dark Saga today instead. Hopefully this means I'll be better-charged tomorrow to work on his four horsemen of doom?

They aren't really. But they did all die for your sake, and death was no bar to their servitude.

064. Late

Running slow and behind schedule on where I thought I'd be by tonight. Last minute housecleaning FTW woo freaking hoo.

063. This new SAI brush I got is the fucking bomb.

Paint 4 by DarlingMionette

I think I'm never going back to smooth round brushes ever again.

Too bad I'm sleepy as fuck and died after scribbling for just ten minutes.

062. The birth of a honmei

Compulsively striving for (and in some cases even reaching) perfection on the surface at the cost of denying inner wishes and true impulsive desires; ruling the conscious self with such depraved level of control that a monster is born from compressed unrelieved chaos within, leaked into the world under critical stress and backlash.

061. Upgrade

I get so impatiently ahead of myself, again. If only I had the much-needed time to study.

Nothing like this job to remind me how little of a fuck I give about average everyday shenanigans that other social humans seem to care about. How does it not interest me even one bit? I fascinate myself.

Sometimes I want to believe that all fiction we output in our dimension are reflections of actual existence in others. That spark we call inspiration is a sex pilus shot through warped spacetime to reach each individual creator. Dreams are another channel through which these reflections flow.

I need to sleep with the laptop less so I can dream more.

060. Visual stimuli

Made up my mind to get male anatomy down pat before moving on to draw anything else. Which begs the question: why was I stuck on females for so long? What is the difference between finding something visually pleasant and sexually attractive? Is it even attraction I feel? For just a torso? It's all so strange.