/B/ is our way of winding down, dedramatizing stuff, having a laugh and toughening ourselves up to prepare for tomorrow morning when we have to face life again.
Many of us are not white, straight, in love with inaccessible little girls, american, healthy, rich, in a happy family, in a great job, convinced that our country is run intelligently, with a simple sexuality and no personal drama in our past or present... but on /b/ no one cares, all is mirth, all are anonymous! For a short while we become the giddy crowd, the hooligans, the satires and the councellors without gender color or difference... We become legion and are free from all social restrain, free from censorship and free from ourselves. The trolls at the heart of /b/ have understood how precious that is. Never underestimate anonymous, never judge us on what is displayed: what you are seeing is just us on the potent drug of utter freedom.
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You COMPLETELY miss the point of /b/. /b/ is not Fark "oh hay guys i found a cute link ha ha." /b/ is not Slashdot's pseudo-intellectual discussion. /b/ is not LiveJournal, SuicideGirls, or HotOrNot. /b/ is a place for people to be monsters- the horrible, senseless, uncaring monsters that they really are.
Tsunami owns the Asian continent and we laugh. Psychotic emo takes his sickness out on a cat and we laugh. A man rapes his granddaughter and we laugh, and ask for more. Suicide, homicide, genocide- we laugh. Racism, sexism, discrimination, xenophobia, rape, and baseless hate- we laugh. We are mindless "me-too"ism; we are irrational preference; we are pointless flamewars; we are the true face of the internet.
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FELLOW EUROPEANS OF /B/.
It's a pretty well documented rule that /b/ blows now. After a long time, I've come to a difficult but inevitable conclusion as to the reason:
It's us.
No, I'm serious, /b/ at 5 or 6 AM local time in France is better than the /b/ I see during my lunch break at work by leaps and bounds. When Europe is by and large asleep, the quality of /b/ jumps drastically.
Considering our EU has a level of unity and cooperation that most Americans can only dream of with their neighbors (Canada springs immediately to mind), it's nothing short of depressing that we're the ones who can't get with the program.
A few guidelines for us for a /b/etter tomorrow.
1) Copypasta. Fucking stop it already. This is one thing that happens almost not at all when Europe is asleep, so I'm convinced most of it is us. Copypasta was popularized when putting a particularly pretentious or funny rant fit into a topic. So if a thread is doing artsy shit, DON'T post fucking "Yes, I am a fox. So?..." copypasta, and DON'T post some shitty animu copypasta. However, posting a copypasta about an artist who got a PENIS in the eye and owned himself would be 100% appropriate.
Copy pasta is NOT meant to be in 'every active thread'. That's just being a failure.
2) Spam. See above, mostly. Spamming inside jokes spawned in other threads ISN'T FUCKING FUNNY. Last night with this "Navy boat" stuff is a perfect example. Think of it this way: If you had a conversation with a friend where the punchline was "JUIGEG", then walked up to another group of people who were discussing something else and screamed "JUIGEG", would it be funny?
NO. IT WOULDN'T. THEY'D LOOK AT YOU LIKE YOU WERE FUCKING RETARDED, BECAUSE YOU ARE.
Spamming is the sage of /b/, since saging here is a token gesture at best. Togi-chan threads are perfect to spam with declarations of "FAT" or "UGLY" repeated to infinity, because this is TRUE and a thread about Togi SUCKS.
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All the universe is matter and energy. Life came from energy and chemical cycles becoming more and more complex, until the first organisms came to be. Man is but a product of eons of anabolic progression and evolution. Your internal mechanics bare analogous structures in umerous organisms; other organisms are living inside you, symbiotically. The inner working of your mind is chemical and electronic impulses. You are a machine, and all your actions are governed by behavior, which is, in essence, merely programming. Each day brings humanity ever nearer to being replicated by their own hands, and thus rendering Man itself replacable. Everything defined as you is simply your mental impulses (data) and your physical actions (output). Your death will be the ceasing of your impulses and functions; the cycle breaks, and the machine stops. Your existence is the product of billions of years of chance.
Death is nothingness. Dark, empty nothingness.
You are ultimately disposable, and what awaits you at the end or your functioning period is total obliteration. Have a nice day, /b/.
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fadetoblack72: You were drunk, so you probably don't rmemeber.
fadetoblack72: But here's what happened.
fadetoblack72: You and Brian with both in my house, bombastically wasted, when (hopefully under the impression that the other was a beautiful woman) started feeling eachother.
ZhuperNova4ever: i don't remember him being there
ZhuperNova4ever: were you hiding him in your pants
fadetoblack72: Anyways, after a while... you were fucking him on my couch.
fadetoblack72: At that point Anant walked in and was like "JESUS CHRIST THATS DISGUSTING BLEECCHHHHHH" and threw up all over my couch.
fadetoblack72: You and brian relocated to the other couch to continue your mansex, but Anants stream of vomit continued to corrupt that sex haven.
fadetoblack72: Shortly afterwards I showed up and saw no trace of you or Brian, but a crying Anant lying in a puddle of his own vomit.
fadetoblack72: Fearing for his health, I dragged him out to the porch, only to find you and Brian, just as he ejaculated all over your face.
fadetoblack72: Upon seeing this, Anant puked all over Brian's face.
ZhuperNova4ever: brian's your carpet, isn't it
fadetoblack72: ...
fadetoblack72: Nelson had been silent the whole time, masticating his gum in the back, but at that moment he decided to speak to you and Brian.
fadetoblack72: "Both of your faces are disgusting, you should make out."
fadetoblack72: You two were too wasted to understand, but unfortunately me and anant were drunk enough to misunderstand, and we started making out.
ZhuperNova4ever: ...
ZhuperNova4ever: i'm going to bed
ZhuperNova4ever: stop fantasizing about me
fadetoblack72: At that moment, Elmo, who had been watching from a webcam, was like "BLEECCCCHHHHHHH" and her vomit ruined the couch I was going to replace my other two with.
fadetoblack72: Wel...
fadetoblack72: Thats just how I remember things happening dude.
BOOTLEGBATTERIES (9:06:58 PM): You know, if you take the booze out of all that context, it sounds like Anant is some poor pregnant woman in his first trimester.
Just for laughs, cheer.
Quoting Ridwan: You may not use this cellphone in a car, although you may use it while throwing ninja stars, fireballs, skateboarding, while on planet Earth, or while holding a cube.
