Mood Exercise

With the theme of dream scapes. First was a frustrated 40-ish minutes in Chibi Paint @ fearsome that left me pretty pissed because it was going nowhere. Second two were done successively in SAI, each coming faster and easier and more relaxing than the last. AND IT FELT LIKE I COULD KEEP GOING FOREVAR, YOU KNOW, EXCEPT IT'S NOW BEDTIME.

I LOVE YOU PAINT TOOL SAIII AS IF ANY MORE CONFIRMATION WAS NEEDED <333 br="">


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EDIT: ...And apparently these are the side effects of a midnight stress-free color-throwing bonanza promoting the full outflow of information rather than that traditional bottling-it-all-up-and-forget-about-it approach:

- Waking up (without an alarm) at 6:30 AM feeling fully rested/awake/unable to go back to sleep
- Blasting this and this at full volume on repeat to wake neighbors up
- Chugging gummy worms/bears until mouth/throat feels like a fucking desert (takes around half a pound)
- TOTALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO SPS WHOOOO

PAINT TOOL SAI

IS MADE OF MAJOR WIN AND SHITS ANTICONSTIPATIONS AND GIGGLES, GUYS. I MIGHT EVEN HAVE REGULAR DIARRHEA FROM NOW ON, SRSLY. JUST LOOK AT THIS SHIT:

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT?? THERE'S A FUCKING COLOR BLENDING PALETTE OPTION THAT YOU CAN LITERALLY PAINT IN TO MIX COLORS. WITH DIFFERENT BRUSH SETTINGS AND SIZES. INDEPENDENT OF YOUR ACTUAL DRAWINGGGGG (!!!!!!!!!!!!1!! x 10^6).

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO KNOW, 99% OF JING'S SUPPOSED LONG-TERM BLOCK CAUSED BY MOST ALL DIGITAL MEDIA ACTUALLY STEMS FROM THE INCONVENIENCE OF COLOR MIXING. REGARDLESS OF WHETHER IT'S A SLIDER, WHEEL, OR GRADIENT, I HAVE NEVER BEEN COMFORTABLE FINDING COLORS LIKE THIS BEFORE. NEVER. AND WITHOUT BEING COMFORTABLE DOING SOMETHING AS BASIC AS THAT, IS IT ANY WONDER THAT I FIND DRAWING A MORE AND MORE DREADED AND TIME-CONSUMING BUSINESS TO BE PROCRASTINATED FOREVAARS?

THAT ALL ENDS HERE NOW, GUYS. IT ENDS.

PICTAR UNRELATED OH WHO AM I KIDDING IT'S TOTALLY HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW MAN. RIGHT DOWN TO THE EXPRESSION. HELL YEAHHH

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFff

The concept of home

is/has been traditionally associated with a withdrawal and zipping of words/ideas/self expression of any form. Certain changes do accompany aging (in their eyes), but so much is still unacceptable.

One (more) day.

...MAY ACTUALLY BE PUMPING SHIT OUT AGAIN

after I got this nifty little sketchbook from B&N this past weekend. Standard white 5" x 8" paper ordeal, but apparently...carrying it around 24/7 does help. This is so great I FEEL LESS ARTISTICALLY CONSTIPATED ALREADY, GOOD TIMES.

This guy's still half uncooked, and I'm unfortunately too busy currently admiring the raw scanning results to decide whether I want him medium rare or fully cooked. (i.e., Just a linesy The Mother look, or paint this fucker up so much you can't even tell it started out as a pencil sketch?) I drew this with the intention of the former, but since the scan turned out so insanely fair (for the first time EVER)...hm.

Also: Yes, sort-of-new signature. I've gotten myself in heat all over Keith Thompson's hot bodies again recently, and noticing his sig/stamp nonchalantly led me to finally decide that the one I've been using, since before 8th grade, was incredibly bulky and attention-grabbing in all the wrong ways. =/ I first signed things using this monogram H/cursive Jh/butterfly thing on stuff for drafting, 5-tech (Anyone even remember what those were?), and acrylic painting in Stuy, and I think it's about time I pick it up...officially, so to speak. Simplicity is key there.

(Unrelatedly, HOLY CRAP @ hair in that thing I drew in '05. Subconscious self-fulfilling prophecy much??)

Also also: While I was shuffling Teitum around in my Traditional folder, I dug up some more things I completely forgot about, like this lady here:

Raw from last autumn that I shoved so far back into the freezer, I can only hang my head in shame. I almost forgot I had once been so ambitious as to start a character illustration effort for Robert Jordan's the Wheel of Time... T__T

Mr. Sketchbook, I promise you plenty of food to come. This I do solemnly swear.

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Update 4/6/11: Cleaned up some dirt. =]

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EDIT: It then occurred to me that I never actually explained what I'm doing here. Or, in Nelson's words: Since when did Jing become a girl?

It's not so much I'm any "girlier" inside, but rather that a glum acceptance happened over the shape and state of my body. These B cups and butt I now sport are not even close to "curvy" by general female standards, but I can most definitely no longer get away with dressing like a dude OR wearing whatever the heck like back in high school and still maintain at least a decent scrape of the self's bodily respect. Of course, the whole experience of packing on 45 pounds and losing almost 40 so far had a big role in Jing noticing/taking more proper care of my body in the first place, too. From when I first started buying clothes to hide my fatness to now buying clothes suitable for a smaller body, and (of course) taking that prereq class for fashion design, and keeping in mind childhoodflames's Camille, I slowly came to realize what I want for my own wardrobe. See partial log with Rez below:

yuuzora (12:02:30 AM): I think I've mentioned it to you before, but I've begun to strive for a fully functional closet, a la Camille.
yuuzora (12:03:33 AM): Maybe not as minimalistic as her wardrobe, but I definitely want to own something in which every piece I have I'd gladly wear EVERY DAY if it were possible/acceptable.
yuuzora (12:04:17 AM): And it wouldn't matter if I have to pay a little bit more for a particular piece, if I know it's something I'd want to wear everyday, in addition to having other pieces to match it that I'd ALSO want to wear every day.
yuuzora (12:04:48 AM): By the end of this process I want a fully functional wardrobe I'm so happy with that I can keep for years without the need to add new things or owning anything extra.
yuuzora (12:04:53 AM): Something I've never had before, but the efficiency of which is extremely attractive to me.

yuuzora (12:28:57 AM): At the beginning, I've tried on a lot of things, liked what I saw, and done my decent share of impulse-buying.
yuuzora (12:29:32 AM): But once I go home, the realization hits that I have nothing else in my closet that goes with what I just bought, so the thing just sits in a corner and remains forever untouched.
yuuzora (12:30:22 AM): Through weeding out items like that in my current wardrobe, I'm actually learning which pieces suit or flatter me the best, and that is what my "style" ultimately boils down to: not necessarily what is "hottest" right now, but definitely which looks flatter or complement my particular body.
yuuzora (12:31:29 AM): I now am better at recognizing some piece of clothing as "not Jing" just through the simple exercise of seeing in my mind whether I have other things in my closet to go with it.
yuuzora (12:32:27 AM): Re: my huge pile of clothes, I actually divide them in two halves. I have one that I'll try to sell, and another that I'll donate or sell to people who don't care for style.
yuuzora (12:32:58 AM): The "fashionable" pile is full of stuff I thought was "cool" and "must-have" when I first bought them, but ended up never wearing because they ultimately weren't "me."
yuuzora (12:33:06 AM): The other pile is stuff that's truly outdated.
yuuzora (12:33:46 AM): For example, a pair of good-quality but basic jeans in a bigger size that no longer fit me, but a buyback store would probably not take it because it's so basic.

yuuzora (12:39:41 AM): I don't follow blogs so much...
yuuzora (12:39:59 AM): Just Camille (very occasionally), and mostly that Stockholm street style page.
yuuzora (12:41:56 AM): Once you've seen one or two...they're all the same. >_>
yuuzora (12:42:40 AM): And I don't have a need to see exactly what specific pieces people are owning.
yuuzora (12:42:58 AM): Rather, I'm just there to get an overall impression.
yuuzora (12:43:17 AM): It's stupid when people wear only a single expensive "statement" piece and nothing else and make a blog post of that, because to me, that is NOT style.
yuuzora (12:43:29 AM): That is the person showing off what they have money to buy.
yuuzora (12:43:52 AM): I'm more about how pieces should be worn together to create style.
yuuzora (12:44:07 AM): And definitely, definitely, fluidity and interchangeability.
yuuzora (12:44:35 AM): How one piece in my future functional closet must be able to be worn with almost anything else in my closet, yet still each combination is unique and have a different flavor.


This is largely why my previous posts sobre this entire topic have been titled, On the ridiculousness of. There is a fine line and big difference between "fashion" for materialism and "style" for effective personal packaging.

16. On the staying power of Deg

If I could do a live dissection of my own brain and see exactly how this happens, I would. What, in the voice of this one little man, caused Jing to push all male singers thereafter out of her ears in rejection, unable to ever consistently enjoy another lyrical voice regardless of sex in all the years since? There is mysterious chemistry at work here.

Too little is known on how a voice is picked up amongst background noises of all sorts and singularly focused upon. Too little is known on how a voice makes such an impression that its mere presence, when detected, is felt and processed as a physiological massage. Too little is known on how a voice can have such an impact on one person and yet totally fail to cause attention in another. There is too little that psychology or speech and hearing science can offer us, too much that remains (or, rather, is left behind) unanswered. Pitch and frequency provide us not enough tools to even correlate a unique person to voice, let along to further uncover what effects the perception of one incurs in another.

All we seem to know is that, consistent with Jing's 'character,' it apparently makes sense that I would like the 'first' thing I contact, and resist all future exposures at all costs like a fertilized egg concretely walling off all sperm past the first. Maybe I'm stubborn; maybe I'm close-minded. Maybe I just have that much loyal faith, or maybe that is my expression of resistance to change, holding on to the last remnant of my first expression and realization of self at thirteen. All that is fine and dandy speculation, but none can explain why, irrevocably, Kyo and only Kyo's voice has the effect it does on my ears, in my brain, in my resonating gut and pulse and sharp tender rasping diaphragm.


Today, Itoshisa was the it. After one play from random shuffle, it got stuck on single repeat like so many other Deg songs have, at one point or another. As always, the lyrics or even the story are moot; all that stings/pricks/carves out into me is his, his voice. There is tender exposed raw meat, there, that I feel I can eternally feed off. Stuff I would dearly miss if deprived.

For some reason I suspect most people (if any at all) have not experienced anything even remotely comparable to what I try to describe here, even once.

I play my zither amongst a cattle herd.

On the ridiculousness of 'fashion,' part II

Painting from the Tang Dynasty (618 - 907 AD), not shoop'd. We only THINK we've come so far in women's purses.

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Also holy crap, I found a way easier way to take semi-full-body pictures ZOMG. Limited by crappy resolution and wireless mouse detection range, though. =|

I'm finally at a stage where it's fully necessary to give my entire wardrobe a revamp, because 1) I had no idea how to shop efficiently three (or even one) years ago, and a large portion of what I saved are...erm, unwearable, and kept only for comparative fitting purposes. I also have a shit-ton of clothes I compulsively bought but then never would actually wear.

2) I have a decent reserve of hueg clothes (mostly bottoms that could slip off my ass even as I stand still) that are too wasteful to simply chuck in the garbage. =/ I could probably take one of these pictures for fun and that's about all the use they still have.

The result = that mountain of junk on the back of my couch there, even after picking out the more precious ones I want to get tailored. I'm pretty perplexed over what to do with them. Since most of them are in remarkably good condition, I can probably try to sell them...except I don't want weird people attracted from, say, Craigslist, to randomly know where I live. I also refuse to carry that amount of clothes (we're talking about suitcase-full here) with me to a public meeting spot to show them off to strangers, because...I mean, come on. I could probably donate to Goodwill and be done with them that way. I could also get a sewing machine *gasp* and play around with them myself, except I know that won't happen just like how I know I won't draw or knit and come up with anything fruitful in the near future. Or, I can find a friend who wants a mountain of fabric for maybe 20-30 bucks. 8D

What say you guys?