-image edited by yuuzora -Erm, contradictory to what I guess most people would expect, this entry of mine will not actually be revolving largely around the subject of W. Instead...I suppose there are things that must be mentioned of Jing's freshie fwend that was previously left unsaid.
But first things first--Jing's actual program this spring so wonderful:
- free
- Late American Literature, Ms. Kincaid, 1025
- PreCal, Mr. Geller, 437
- lunch
- Health, Ms. Weinwurm, 513
- Gym A, Mr. Clemmons
- Physics, Mr. Thomas, 835
- AP Spanish, Ms. Montserrat, 740
- U.S. History, Ms. Burnell, 305
- ZT10 (the official free left open for sports team)
And then we ask: Well, where does Jason come in play admidst all this?
Let's rewind a bit, to the first couple of days of the fall term some four or five months back: Hyo and Jing freshly moved into the seats next to each other in physics, and had just walked out of the class together at the end of fifth. Approaching the eighth floor atrium toward the escalator, Jing halted Hyo to a stop, and pointed out to her the "Mini-Brother-W" she has been noticing since the first day of school. As we happened to be standing pretty close, and Jing had had the confidence of Hyo grabbing on to her for support, I gave the poor startled freshie a punch square on the shoulder out of nowhere.
Freshie: *gives a jump, jolts around*
Hyo: *also gives a jump, and immediately starts nagging Jing along the lines of "WHAT ON EARTH SORT OF AN APPROACH WAS THAT?! BLAHBLAH"*
Jing: *sort of ignoring Hyo and is busy smirking at the kid...I guess with the famous "8D" face* Hey...
Freshie: *looks nervously from Jing to Hyo to Jing, somewhat decides that he was punched by accident, and is about to turn around to leave/flee*
Jing: *grabs him by the arm* Wait! What's your name?
Freshie: Uh...Jason? *shiftily glancing between Jing and Hyo, looking as if he's really about to bolt now*
Hyo: *in between smacking/pulling Jing away and repeatedly telling her that she's scaring him too much and should better leave him alone, blahblah*
Jing: *half-yelling as is being dragged off by Hyo* Okay...do you happen to be associated with anyone by the name of Willis in this school?
Jason: Uh...no? *sort of watches as Jing's noggin disappears behind the wall down the escalators* ...
And then we fastforward past all the parts where Jing got to know him better, Chet and Soo got to know him better, Chet decided he wants to make the kid think he's out there to wape him, etc. Now this was the second to last day of the fall term...during fourth period lunch. This was the famous relation-changing talk we had that I remember mentioning in passing...but never really talked about. Soo had gym that day; it was just me sitting at some random boring table before I spotted him and went on to jump right at him as the habit goes. It was truly remarkable how he spoke before I did, and blatandly started on this specific subject out of nowhere.
Jason: Who is W?
Of course, I was quite surprised that he'd asked this frankly. It wasn't a subject I had on mind to go in to detail telling him, anyway; I pretended to not know what he's talking about.
"Don't you remember? I showed him to you the other day."
Jason: Well, yeah. I mean I guess I've seen who he physically is, but I'm asking who he has been as a person. Particularly, who he has been to you, how he's been related to you, and most importantly, why are you stalking everyone who reminds you even in the least bit of him. Like, what do you want of me and Phil, anyway? What did you ever expect to get out of us?
It's an understatement to say he'd surprised me and had taken me unaware. I figured at any time I can always easily pull something together to satisfy his curiosity on Brother W and be done with that; I wasn't too worried with him knowing a thing or two about his related "clone". But what almost made me lose my footing was the fact he had mentioned Ph--
"You...talked with Phil." I could barely make that sound like a question.
Jason: *pauses, looks at Jing for a while* Maybe.
It took me a while to realize that unlike Chet (who uses "maybe" all-too-frequently to cover up a guilty "yes"), Jason here was using the word to drag out his "advantage" over me for as long as possible. He was quick to sniff out the dread I felt at the thought that he might have even remotely approached the incoming soph, and he understood the upper edge in this convo will be his for as long as he can keep me under that fear. But before I figured this out and was still on the verge of trembling from my uncertainty, he'd pulled a chair over for me to sit in, and pulled another one for himself as well. (Ironically, the seat he sat me in was one that belonged to the special-ed people, complete with armrests and whatnot.) Oh god, I thought. The kid means business.
"You have to understand I don't really stalk you. Or Phil, really, for that matter. Or even if I remotely somewhat do, it's nothing close to what I do for W."
Jason: So what am I?
"To tell you the truth...I suppose you've been something more like a pet."
Jason: A pet?
Too late, I realized that was sort of the wrong thing to say. But by this time I must have realized he couldn't have talked to or approached Phil in any way or form, or else I couldn't have summoned the confidence to say what I remember saying next.
"Well, if you don't like it, I guess you can pick between either that, or being stalked. You'd prefer to be stalked?"
Jason: ...*meekly, weakly, mumbly* Yes.
That wasn't really what I expected. "I guess you really don't like the idea of being a pet, huh... Does it make you feel better to know, then, that you've more or less come to be a friend in your own right since a long time ago? I stopped thinking of you as a mini of W as soon as maybe a week or two after knowing you."
Jason: *looking pensive* Well, okay. But you still haven't told me about this W. Do you not know his real name, at the very least?
"Willis. I had asked you on the very first day I approached you. But I guess you didn't pay all that much attention to details I let slip back then than you do now."
Jason: ...What did happen between you two? You mentioned "since two years ago" a lot; that means freshman year second term for you. What happened then? You use the word "since". I'm guessing that's when you first met him.
"Go on." He wasn't disappointing me with his observation skills; at this point, I was rather getting mildy amused or even excited at him retelling his version of the history of W to me. There certainly was no more fear or worry concerning Phil; I'm left free to enjoy this as much as I dare.
Jason: Something must have happened, or else you wouldn't be this way now.
"I actually don't quite think I know what happened."
Jason: But you must know. There's no way you can't know. You must at least have an opinion or an interpretation of what happened.
"But this type of opinion is the exact type you cannot trust. Not when it comes from you yourself."
Jason: Something big had happened that freshman year second term. It somewhat survived through the summer, but started dying away at the begining of sophomore year.
"Spring term, Jason, spring term. You forget how often I mumble that even to myself. For two years we followed the same pattern of barely knowing each other in the fall but rebuilding in the spring. I'm on the verge of assuming this year would be the same."
Jason: Never assume anything.
"I'm not. I'd like to think I know better than to hope for anything."
Jason: But surely you've had an idea of where the whole thing has been going? Even if this next term goes as you hope it would, you have to remember there's only one more year left for you. What do you want by the end of that?
"I guess I've been trying to do something."
Jason: Well, apparently you haven't been trying enough. Not much has happened overall, has it? Or else you wouldn't be chasing after people like me. Or Phil.
"I don't know what I want from this."
Jason: Of course you do. You've been after it for two years; there's only that much time left. You are not doing enough.
"I know that part. So do a lot of people who know me and him. But believe me when I say I really don't know what I want."
Jason: Try harder.
"You sound like every other person I know who want to help me--and I'm sure they do, to some degree or other--but everyone is entertained by my whole experience in the end."
Jason: You can be sure I don't find any of this funny.
I look at him. "So what do you think?"
Jason: I find it...scary. The way you go about it, I guess, judging simply by the way you treat me, I think I can almost understand W.
Frustration. "How many times do I have to tell you, you don't remind me of him any more? You are like a friend or whatever in your own right." And it happened that the bell rang, just then. We we both saved from each other, I suppose.
Jason: Okay. Just remember, nothing is sure. Don't expect so much from the spring, either. You may be well disappointed.
Fastforward again to the present... There is no sense in blaming Jason for simply saying that. It's not like he cursed me or anything. This very morning on the train to the school...I was sick with worry as I juggled thoughts of my history grade from the fall term and my new program. I decided that for once, it's about time I try everything in my power to pull up that dreadful average of mine; never in my life have I ever worked to my full potential in terms of academics, and it's about time I change that (or at least try to). As soon as that thought entered my head, it's as if I'm offered a vision and a choice of two paths that lay in front of me: down one, I have a lavish program overfilled with classes-ful of W; down the other, I see very little of him...but will be then able to concentrate more on my new goal of finally setting out to get godly numbers in my report card without so much of a distraction. I chanted in my head, I was sick in my stomach, and I told myself I'd rather see very little of W if it would mean I get good teachers/grades to undo the horrible grades I'd gotten in the fall.
I think I understand now what they mean when people say, be careful of what you wish for.
Regardless, even W must have mentally prepared himself to the overexposal that never even came. Today as he had gym free and sat at that table in lunch...he didn't seem to mind too much at having me at the same table already (by which I mean he didn't pack up and scramble for dear life, but instead stayed calmly until the end of the period, largely ignoring my presence). I suppose this long, pointless-for-most-other-people entry helped me convince myself that I do not regret anything. Senior year...we'll see what happens senior year.
-
Phil cut the first day of school. Only he would do such a pointless and troublesome thing. Only him.
Brian/Fookie was telling me, during gym-free today, that he was at the school ice skating thing. Apparently, he was there all by himself, lacking friends or anyone to hang out with, but was incredibly good at skating. Usual attire, Fookie claims, and was probably there for the pure purpose of checking out the girls. Ha, ha...
-
Jason has always been a nice yet confusing kid. He literally runs from people he knows that I know (i.e. mostly Chet, Soo, and perhaps Waymond), yet he doesn't run at the sight of me. And sometimes he will fake (with extremely good acting skills, nevertheless) into a full panic when I first approach him, only to come back five seconds later to say hi or chatter whatever he has to say. We haven't touched the subject of W or anything of the like since that last time. But then again...I suppose there has been no need.
When he saw we both have fourth free again, today, when we were just walking in to the cafeteria, he walked headlong into one of the doors and bumped his noggin. I laughed at him. I petted his hair a lot. I was yet surprised that later, as I climbed up the stairs to physics and didn't see him coming down, he stopped, waved, and kept waving almost in my face until I did see him. I had to chuckle.
He's sort of like Chet in the sense he looks better/prettier the longer you know him. He's a very adorable child.
27 comments:
OMG LOL.
you're torturing poor Jason out of his minddddddd xDDD
What? No...I don't think I emphasized the part about him waving. It's the first time he brought himself to my attention; he never did that before. >_>
I'd like to think he's accepting me more. Err. yeah. V_v;
OMG, it's long. >> my bro is forcin me to sleep so ill read and comment tomorrow. btw ...is posting that pic LEGAL?!!?
Erm, considering I did steal it from his Sconex a good while back...
OMG THIS IS SO LONG. I'll leave it for another time. And that picture! What Hyo said. xD
Fine fine...since two people mentioned it, I'll change the picture. XP
as interesting as all that was to read...I can't help but wonder how you could possibly remember it...I assume, word for word more or less? Then again, it seemed to be an important conversation for you and though I can't recall any recent ones I've had, I suppose I too could remember conversations of interest and importance to me.
I think I actually share Jason's sentiments on the situation, that is, I don't find it funny either.
and...apparently I missed the original picture xD;
Okay, I've read the whole thing. Honest to God, that was ...interesting. Yet again, you left me speechless. And Jason is right; you only do have 1 and a half year left to , I don't know, do something drastic. You can't just stand there and stare at the W as the years fly by you. It's odd how a sophomore is telling you all this. Maybe your *cough* experiences with the subject of..."attraction of the opposite sex" is kinda different from what I expect an average girl would have. Uhh, well, you have my full support and if you need Hyo again for support *points to dialogue of first encounter with Jason*, drag me along with ya. < /nonhyoness>
err...what DO you expect of an average girl?
then again...I know what I expect...average girls seems somewhat dumb? they tend to be attracted for all the wrong reasons, for looks, simply because they cant survive alone and thus whore themselves out, etc..etc....
yeah...I dont know what you mean though, but I definitely wouldnt expect any of these "average" things to be reasons why anyone we know would..associate with the opposite gender...with more than usual interest
though I dont think of Jing's interest entirely as that kind of interest...then again..."that kind of interest" holds a negative meaning for me...so of course I don't really feel that anyone we know would have "that kind of interest" that I can't quite describe...but Jing's interest.. it's a little something else from this interest I feel has negative-ness about it in my mind...It's the sort of interest where it seems she'd like at least like to have W acknowledge her presence without running away, etc. It would be nice of course, if she could at least talk with W the way she talks with Jason...
and in case anyone misunderstood me...all the "negative"'s in that were referring to the other kind of interest which is not Jing's interest
That's exactly what I mean about Jing not being the average girl. Usually they don't have pets, and people who look like their "man of interest" and such. No offense though Jing; I'm glad you AREN'T the typical girl. It's fun to see you do your thing -_-;
Yeah..that's true, Hyo, it's very..Jing-ly xD
Yeah I get what you mean-o :3
...Woah, long amusing responses. XD;
I guess I've been shunning out the "true" reason why W is this much special to me, from myself and others, because it sounds too storybook-y and fairytale-like even for my own liking.
Two years ago, when I saw him for the first time, I thought he looked strangely (in fact, creepy-insanely) familiar. To myself and to some other people I had said he reminded me of a certain kid, Riku, that I had somwhat known in junior high in Queens, but that has always been less than even half the story.
He was not the sort of familiar as in, you see a rather memorable stranger down the street, and you meet them again perhaps a month or two later--that type of "I vaguely remember seeing such a person before" sort of familiar. I guess it's hard to explain...but he was familiar in the ridiculous sense of...almost as if you'd known him all your life on an intimate scale, but as a result of something like an amnesia attack you've lost all your memory...and then exposed to said person again. No, you do not remember the person right away, because you've lost all your memory. But simply hearing his voice and seeing how he performs even the most mundane acts such as walking, there is, nevertheless, an odd sort of emptiness and confusion you feel in you as your unconscious screams, I KNOW HIM; HOW IS IT THAT YOU DO NOT?
(Really, can ANYONE keep herself from stalking someone who causes this type of turmoil in him/her?)
Of course, this was a feeling, very weak at first, that built steadily stronger for a while only during the first couple of days that I met him. I didn't realize this was how I felt until I wrote/talked about him for the first time on papter, to myself, to my imaginary audience. This day, I flip open an old green 5-subject notebook, and on a certain bookmarked page toward the end is an entry dated Thrusday, Febrary 5, 2004: a week after freshman year second term started. I quote what I wrote--
"I don't quite know...but the first time I saw him I literally felt something else being triggered in this--this mysterious memory of mine that I mentioned before."
The next entry, dated Tuesday, Febrary 10th, 2004. I had had my first AIM convo with him, which resulted in our first chase and tug-of-war the next day during history in Mr. V's class. Notice around that time, back then, Jing had also freshly just met you people.
"And going back to what I said about Willis before...on the missing memory and whatnot. It's...kind of weird how it just happens. I mean, I'd like to think I still have sufficient power over my physical body to control my actions...but everything came and went so quickly, and it didn't feel odd at all, chasing him around the room and almost playing tag like that, as if we've done it forever...while just yesterday we had been strangers.
"And now that I finally know his physical features well enough to be even able to picture a face in my head, once more I feel myself overwhelmed with its familiarity. That...face. *shudder* There was a something that felt like a spark in me, the first day of the term, that I still remember as clearly as if it happened yesterday. Him walking down the aisle, with that strangely confused look on his face as he saw me..."
After those two entries, I never mentioned that feeling again as I remember it disturbing me quite greatly. Instead I told myself to look only at how pretty his hair is and simply forget everything else--which wasn't hard to do. I never mentioned or thought of "lost meories" again; I threw the idea out of my head. I grew out of them, as new, real memories of W grew.
Over the years I've rather forgotten that I ever felt those electric jolts I once did. The only proof I have are the stuff I wrote down... But I never quite figured this out: would I have been happier, had I pursued the "mystery" further instead of abandoning it? Would it really have been better?
To this day I feel the slightest regret whenever I'm reminded that I never found out what the missing piece of memory was. As I said, when real memories (instead of what I felt were memories from perhaps a past life, even) of him built on, I lost that feeling that I'd once known him. I was happy because I rather disliked those feelings since they were uncomfortable thoughts to juggle.
Scary thought and concept, even for the Jing. You do not see me mention this ever, do you?
That explains a lot more. I never did understand your interest in W completely, though I did suspect it had to be at least a little more than the...hair xD; because...it would be a bit dissappointing if that was the only reason of course
HAHAHA. I read the whole thing! Now I'm commenting right after!
I've never seen Jason. =O Have I? I want to seeeeee.
hold on, let me read all the comments...
okay...that was really interesting...and yes...you only have one and a half years left!
WHAT WILL YOU CHOOSE TO DO JING?!?!!
T__T
anyways...about you going up to Jason and tugging him the first time...you're so brave...I wish I could do that to the senior whose Ronnie's neighbor...but I'm would get too embrassed. Sigh...less than half a year left before he graduates...and I'll never see him pass again in the hallway. T__T
WAhh...this entry made me feel teary...
Woah, woah...who's this senior dude, now? And whatever happened to John? It's either you keep way more tabs on people than I do, or you change your "tabs" at least once a month or something because you lose interest that quickly...XD;
Meh. Do you have fourth free? As I said, I have that period lunch with Jason again...making him the one person out of the three whom I'm sure to see/spend a good deal of time with on a daily basis.
As to bravery...eh. The trick is simply knowing when and if the other person will be intimidated in exactly the right way for things to work into your advantage. In the case of W, "bravery" is actually a bad thing that I avoid, because the more of it I show, the faster he's going to run. In the case of Phil, well, since I'm actually sort of trying to atract less attention from him, I have to keep a low profile also. In the case of Jason, I just happened to know how he'd probably react, as a freshman, if some random junior girl just landed on his head out of nowhere.
I guess my poorly illustrated point was this: "bravery" won't be the thing that leads you to places. It really depends on the person. And since it's a senior in your case...err, obviously, Jing doesn't have much experience in dealing with the older peoples...8D
=_=; omg I've been spending too much time on 4chan..I like it for its random-ness/great way to procrastinate-ness
and that particular "8D" of the last comment, in the context of that comment made me think of the pedobear...>>;;;
Of course, under no circumstances would I want anyone to be normal and I don't think anyone here does O_o;
As to the stalker-ness...err if you were referring to me pedobear comment as me inferring future stalking-nes, that's not the case at all, it was just an incredibly random, irrelevant comment i.e. me wasting time
Dunthe (11:11:33 PM): W...it'd be very interesting if I run into him some number of years after high school or even college is done.
HolyLandOverThar (11:11:46 PM): ^_^
Dunthe (11:12:00 PM): There's this strange feeling that I will, especially if nothing continues to happen for the rest of my year and half.
Dunthe (11:12:32 PM): I think I'll kidnap him then.
Dunthe (11:13:21 PM): And if, by that time in life, I've bloomed into enough of a lunatic, I will lock him in a basement and dose him with enough drugs so he'd be sleeping for weeks at a time.
HolyLandOverThar (11:13:40 PM): now you're scaring me.......-_-
Dunthe (11:14:42 PM): What? It'd be sweet vengeance to make him repay whatever time he owed me back now.
Dunthe (11:15:39 PM): ...Right?
That will be the only thing I'm going to say, as of now. XP
And Rez: No, after you read the Phil-topic link I showed you, you'll see she's referring to me...although I do not really stalk Phil. I think. >__> He disturbs me a bit too much for me to do anything but keep a low profile. I guess he's no more than eyecandy, really...
hohoho...okay Jing...I thought about it some more. If you feel like you don't want to take any "drastic" actions, then you shouldn't. But I prefer it that you do by the end of highschool so I can have some kind of ending for my fanfic. HAHAHAAA...well...I was thinking of something like you don't take any action and you some how run into him later in life...and then...doodeedoo....>=)
so romantic...*goes fantasize about story*
oh...and about me keeping tabs on people...I've been interested in that senior ever since I saw him freshman year...
XD
...
T__T
It's quite easy to keep the tabs actually. They all have the same name. =_=
...!! *DIES ON FLOOR LAUGHING AT MAGGIE'S SUDDEN REALIZATION* OH. MY. EFFEN. GWAD...THAT IS SO TRUE. XDDDD
MintyTOFU (9:06:53 PM): wahh...
MintyTOFU (9:06:55 PM): >_>
MintyTOFU (9:07:13 PM): why is his name john too
MintyTOFU (9:07:14 PM): =_=
MintyTOFU (9:07:25 PM): it's getting kind on freaky
MintyTOFU (9:09:22 PM): ;_;
MintyTOFU (9:09:27 PM): i don't know what to do nowww
MintyTOFU (9:09:28 PM): alsdjfka;lkjfda;lkja
yuuzora (9:10:25 PM): It's okay, Maggie. Just because the parent's of the kids you like don't have any taste in names...doesn't mean you don't have taste either. At all.
yuuzora (9:10:27 PM): 8D
Otherwise, there are three things I want to mention now:
1) You people seem to care about this way more than I realized...I had no idea this entry of mine would be this popular. O__o;
2) Which is to say...this is getting a bit scary, too. I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY/HOW THE HECK ON EARTH IS EVERYONE WRITING FANFICS OF...OF JING AND PEOPLE IN GENERAL. I'm not a legend. -_-;
3) What were those two deleted comments about?
GADDAMIT! I'M THE ONE WHO THOUGHT OF WRITING FANFICS ABOUT JING AND W.
who's maggie???
and by senior John, do u mean that white kid with blonde/red hair who was dressed as a tetris block on holloween?
...WTF @___@; What's so interesting about Jing and W, anyway? Nothing much ever happened, really; the most we ever did back in freshie year was what, walking down the street/taking the train together once, and sat on a bench at school once? And on the last day of soph year we did what, hold Jing's jar of shark pups in class while kinda arguing about whether Jing's really an evil shark-killer... >___> What's with all this enthusiasm about writing fanfics?? =_= And still you people call ME the scary one??
No, I think Maggie's only into Asians *COUGH* fobs. 8D This is the John whom I've seen Chet and Waymond fanboy over in the library...
Maggie...is the one who laughs in that weird way and...and...I dont' know. She wears glasses like every other proper Asian girl? It might help you to know that's her in her icon. >_>
whoa~ that oekaki-o
I saw it on that place~
Yeah...I guess I'm sort of happy it's considered "up to standard" and didn't get deleted. XD; I was worried that they'd mind floating heads, since that place is, for the most part, the highest-level board I've ever drawn at. >_>
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