Lament of Innocence

For a vampire to become the legendary Dark Lord (a.k.a. Dracula), it is said that he needs to obtain two relics: the Crimson Stone that grants its witholder immortality and eternal youth, and the Ebony Stone that grants the wielder supreme power to rule over any and all creatures of the dark.

There was once a redhead vampire with the horrible horrible name of "Walter" who had the strong ambition to collect the two Stones. He was already halfway there, for in his possession was the Crimson Stone. At that point in time, the monster Death paid Walter a visit. Jing has forgotten the exact terms of the "contract" the two reached, but things must have gone something along these lines: since Walter was the first vampire who was so successful as to even obtain one Stone, at the time it seemed more likely than anything else that he will, eventually, gain the second Stone as well. If and when the Ebony Stone does fall into Walter's possession, Death will have to obey him as a servant at any rate...so the sickle-wielding skullhead decided to join ranks with Walter, helping his master-to-be in his search for the Ebony Stone. In return, Death will gain power as the second-in-command as soon as Walter becomes the Dark Lord.

As it turns out, however, Walter never found the Ebony Stone even with the aid of Death, up to the point that Leon Belmont's story (a.k.a. the actual game's story) starts in the eleventh Century. And, as eternity is quite boring as it is, Walter developed a habit of toying with humans. He would steal favorited treasures (often loved ones) from the greatest of warriors and fighters from near and afar, luring them to his castle. In order to even reach the portion of the castle that Walter inhabits, the brave human soul must first defeat five guardian monsters whose deaths, together, form the only key that opens the seal to Walter's pagoda. Our beloved vampire Joachim (another "EWW" name...but we can get used to it) happens to be the ultimate "boss" out of the quintet.

He was a vampire on the travel who came to challenge Walter, but whose powers were unfairly outmatched due to the redhead's clear advantage of having the Crimson Stone. Thus forced into defeat after defeat, Joachim was locked in a cleverly set-up cell in the Dark Palace of Waterfalls section of the castle--and, as previously stated, his soul was meant to be the final piece to the key that will unlock Walter's Pagoda of Misty Moons. In order to even reach his cell, the player has to explore more or less all of Dark Palace to find the various switches that negate waterflow and open a hidden bridge to reach Joachim's door. It is speculated that in reality, Joachim is in fact a whole notch or five stronger than Walter in pure vampiric terms; Walter is undefeatable only because of the immortality granted by his Crimson Stone. Generally speaking, the farthest into the castle that any human has ever reached (prior to Leon Belmont, of course) was indeed the pitifully dark, dingy, water-leaking cell of the chain-clad Joachim.

Driven mad by perhaps decades or even centuries of such cycles of unfair beatings (apparently he repeatedly keeps on challenging Walter to fight again and again) and being locked up under chain and extreme isolation, it doesn't take much prodding to make Joachim leap up to slice and eat whatever rare human warrior unfortunate enough to survive and reach his cell. They seem to be the only food rations Walter allows him.

Indeed, in the main game playing as Leon, you will kill Joachim as the fifth boss and you will move on to the Pagoda and eventually gain the power to kill Walter as the second-to-last boss--and to compare the relative difficulties of these two battles alone is proof enough to confirm which of the two is the obvious better and stronger. Joachim and his precise telepathic control of five swords (four of which are shown in the last painting) combined with quite a number of cutthroat, almost impossible-to-dodge magic combos were quite a pain in the rear; all Walter did, on the other hand, was laugh and teleport around his throne room while unleashing some lazy long/short range attacks that are so straightforward they were meant to be a joke (as a prelude to the immediate-to-follow final boss fight with Death, of course).

What I truly love about this game is the fact that after you whip the game as Leon, Joachim is the first "hidden" character you unlock and can play as. Re-exploring these now-familiar grounds with the floating body of Joachim (who apparently also emits this sexy, irresistible purple aura) and his equally floaty and beautiful sword arrays, this was the part where Jing totally fell in love with the dude, his mobility, and his weapon system with all those fancy things swords are capable of...@__@ Aside from all that kickassness, what truly almost brought me to tears under this mode of the game was the alternative ending it gave: of Leon never existing, the Crimson Stone never in Walter's possession, and Joachim killing both the readhead and Death in the end...with the final scene being him sitting on Walter's throne and giving that heart-chilling laugh as credits roll in. You feel the triumph and satisfaction along with him, until at some point a bloody feeling in your gut reminds you that this is clearly, literally, only Joachim's fantasy at play...

Discovering that last painting of a crazed him, hugging one of his swords (that he'd normally never physically touch) and the head of his latest meal so lovingly and so movingly had totally made my head and heart swoon. Perhaps he really had been gay. Perhaps he really did fall in love with the severed heads of his food, ran a collection of all their lovely skulls. For remembrance, they were his only company, his only audience in that one tiny cave of a room, cave of a cell; they were his only distractions from the sound of water dripping onto the blades of his rusting swords.

Humans do not reach this lair easily; perhaps only one or two succeed by the century. Imagine his joy at receiving again a head that still pulses with warm human flesh, still with a hint of freshly forfeited life. Joachim would laugh, would sigh, would save every last drop of his newest lover's blood; in his palm, he will catch that sweet precious liquid proof of life. He will hum, he will sing to himself--a wish, a hope and dream for the better future, for the day he can freely fly through the castle in Walter's place, bathe in Walter's wine, sleep in Walter's throne, and throw what's left of Walter himself into this same stone cubicle of now. These will be the things he promises to the head he holds in his bosom as he slowly rocks it to sleep, gently kissing its eyes shut, whispering a ghostly good night to its ear as he finally lays it to ground and curl around it himself, shielding this lovely young addition from the jealousies of his others, olden skull lovers, now haggard and fleshless and missing Joachim's affection. In his sleepless paranoia he will turn and face those featureless bone faces, argue with their imaginary voices that he loves them still, that nothing has ever changed...

Severed heads = love.