We can never tell each other certain things along a certain line because it was never a topic tolerated to begin with. Our silently banned subject since sophomore year.
Not that I'm even suggesting that this could be changed/improved in any way, by now. Our comfort zones have long-since been deeply set in place. The ones that happen to be too closely involved--well, they will have to know; but for the rest of us? We were chosen to remain in the dark...because, likely, we'd rather (or think) that we'd rather to choose to not know, too.The majority of us would (probably, simply) rather be passing buddies than closer friends anyway.
But I still think it's rather freaky (odd coincidence?) that we--the majority, at least, it would seem--all...happened...to have become(became? at some point?) (more than?) close with one person.
Funny how in a (perhaps very) twisted sense, in this intricate web of promise of secrecy, he became our lone source of keeping in touch with how everyone is doing.
Or perhaps that last "our" was only a royal "we", and I meant only myself.
Jing is probably the only (distant) voyeur here. I may very well be a selfish bastard.yuuzora (5:03:29 AM): There's a fine line between caring and being nosey.
yuuzora (5:03:42 AM): Or maybe it's a blurred line afterall.
But he needs his release, too.
Because...How funny is this? That after all, the most intricate web of all webs of all...
is the system of listeners and confessors. To each his(her) own.
Private laws.
I am but an observer.
4 comments:
I do not want this place to be gone. Though this may seem like a "facade of pretentiousness," I don't really think it is. To me, it's more like a collection of memories we have shared. And the pretenses would instantly disappear once the viewer decides to read a bit. (The frustration at the lack of contributors, the dwindling of the occurrences of new posts, etc. all become apparent.)
I'm not sure whether we've changed too much or that another part of ourselves has been unveiled or resealed in reaction to new situations and their ensuing feelings...
I feel regret that we never spoke about the topic you mentioned. (And that we never discussed other things, like the colleges we planned on applying to..) We would have been able to grow (from hearing about other perspectives), been closer, and more comfortable if such topic was not left in the dark. But I was childish(?) to have completely disapproved of talking about it completely.. I'm sorry that I was a part of making this topic unspoken-of. I thought it was not significantly different from friendship and was plain silly.. though I guess I was wrong? -_-;;
Gah, I have a knack for completely refusing to talk about certain topics. Which isn't healthy, I guess.
But even if our comfort zones are set in place, I don't think it's impossible to go beyond them. It probably takes timing, circumstances, and willingness/feelings of the informer?
Oh gosh, I'm so tired. /end
Arg this will not be coherent
i've been exhausted
The other day i was hanging out around stuy with vlad, perhaps for nostalgia's sake, it brought back so many memories and right then i wished all of you couldve been there too and i regretted never getting the time to spend with you people again
i really thought i'd get to with laura at least this january but tomorrow is the last day of january isnt it
time flies and looking back we'll realize we've made a lot of mistakes people you meet friends you make these are all precious things
and at especially being in college you will see that it isnt quite as easy to get friendships to begin there is no innocent trust between people and without difficulty without time there is no real friendship, but for mutual understandings and acquaintances
we had something really great while at stuy and we abused it, we forgot it, we misused it...but i'm glad it happened i'm glad for all the memories we've had however few and limited
people are fleeting they come and go they make promises one day and forget the next day, but i wont forget you people and this is by no accounts a eulogy of our friendship
i intend to have that time with all of you again
maybe not this january
but some day
i was never a trusting person and my definition of friend and friendship requires something more than a usual person, but i considered you friends at one point, nearly like family you made each day worth going to school for me as cheesy as that sounds. and the you of course is not directed at jing but to all of kool klub or is it the turtle tea childrens now it doesnt matter what we call it
and i hope you will allow me to consider you friends still
every person has their quirks their flaws
we are all flawed
but it is each person's personal goal to become better, to grow, to learn, to realize their flaws
but at the same time one has to realize that other people are flawed also
you may not agree with someone you may not believe in their personal choices and beliefs but its still possible to be friends with such people its still possible to love them and care for them
i have cared for all of you, even at the worst of times, even when i disagreed thoroughly with your decisions
there is something that makes us all fit, as an odd a group as we may be we're good friends as memories will tell
that's not something i'm willing to forget or give up or "tear down"
none of you are perfect, you are all flawed and so am i
in fact we even share a flaw, an inherent laziness and really perhaps this is the root of all our lack of our communication
but whatever it may be there is no reason to give up on eachother
of course we have all changed
we have all gone different ways
we have all seen ourselves in different lights
we have all learned new things about ourselves, discovered new flaws, new interests, new styles
but there is no reason we can't be friends
it is inevitable that people grow
and if all friendships were to fall apart as people did, as people changed, then there would be no such thing as "friendship"
maybe we cant tell eachother certain things maybe we each have our comfort zones but as friends we have to acknowledge what they are and also have to give eachother room to step out of these, and at times to fail at doing so and test eachother's comfort zones but in the midst of all this, friendship, real friendship is something that holds
i for one, hope we don't forget everything and resign to believing we were but "passing buddies"
its true i dont say much nor post here nor talk to any of you very much
i'm quiet and have always been more of a lurker but i've checked this place nearly every day
i don't have much self...loving or whatever either though i will almost never ever admit this and you should strike this from your memory after reading this post, but i wouldnt be surprised if i was forgotten
in fact it always surprises me whenever it seems like people havent
i've also been exhausted
my mother just had a surgery a week ago, on her liver, she's been in the hospital until just this monday
in the meantime i've had to take care of the house and my siblings, picking them up giving them dinner checking their work, etc
and i've been really worried for her
she was on the brink of death
and i dont know what i'd do without her
she's home now and i'm taking care of her and if she makes it through this she'll be okay
i fainted a few days ago too ^^;; and am still recovering from that
in the hospital while visiting my mother no less -_-;
it made a big scene and i hit my head on the floor...>>
haha i'm probably more stupid by now
in any case i've been very tired
and so who cares about grammar!
no punctuation or capital first letters for you guys today D:
DEAL!
[who knows if any of this makes sense even =_=;]
I <3 you, Rezu! I'm sad that I didn't get to visit you... I have the most fleeting memory ever. And starting classes again is taking up so much time. I probably signed up for too many classes. @_@;
omygosh, I.. what happened sounds so scary! I've always feared the disappearance of my mother.. and my grandma. You have been so stressed lately. ;_; I hope that everything will be alright and that you'll be able to relax soon.
I'd try to make a lengthy response as well, but I feel that'd make me only more depressed than I already am after reading this. x_x
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