BACK WITH (A LOT) MORE SCIENCE.

SORT OF.

So, even though I didn't specifically follow through with the whole experiment sobre writing/arting/related weight loss mentioned in my last entry, it got me thinking about some things - such as the fact that, as of this past January, Jing reached a record high in terms of fatness at a whopping 175 pounds on my 5' 7", ex-athletic frame. For comparison purposes: at my best shape four years ago, with a noticeable-only-to-myself bit of tummy fat and solid legs of muscle, my weight was a stable 130-135.

Disclaimer: The rest of this entry gives a pretty holistic view of what my body is and what I've been up to for the past three months, in blatant honesty and complete lack of bias. For those who know me, I'm not the type to treat weight as some personal feminine top secret info; I've been pretty detached from my body image for pretty much my entire life, regardless of how skinny/fat I have been through the years. What my body looks like has nothing to do with how I perceive myself as a person, and for much of my life, I've been pretty oblivious to its exact state/how it comes across to other people (because uh, neither did I care). Until this winter, that is, with my acquisition of a scale. At which point I had to become aware for potential health risks, if nothing else, as my BMI reached that record 27.4, and I was officially Overweight with a capital O.

A briefing on my weight history/body type:

I was born to a 6' 0" mesomorph father who had put on weight since his college years, and a 5' 5" ectomorph mother who, until she gave birth to my siblings at the high age of 38, was often mistaken to be ~20 years younger than she actually was and sometimes confused as my sister. It has been evident since my preteen years that I had the, perhaps, 'misfortune' of inheriting my father's body type. Photographic evidence depicts a Jing who has been a stick of a loli until right before I hit my growth spurt at age 11-12. Around or right after the time I moved to Alabama and started 6th grade, I suddenly had a significant amount of baby fat that went away just as quickly by the time I started Stuy. At that point, I was just 14, 5' 6", 125 lb, and wearing size 3 pants at an isolated event I still remember. (My first pairs of size US junior pants. Before that, I was still wearing children's sizes.) I joined outdoor track spring of freshman year, and trained for cross country for the first time the following autumn. I was oblivious to the state of my body until more than a year later, junior year, well into my 'acquaintance' with Phil and his effect on my first noticing how my body is packaged with clothing. As mentioned above, I became 5' 7" by that time or so (and have remained the same height since), consistently stayed between 130 and 135 pounds, and wore very standard size 5 pants. My hips fitted perfectly, while the thigh area always had a bit of give thanks to my then-awesome super-trackie legs. In terms of female body types, I became a 'rectangle,' or 'banana.' Both terms refer to the body type where chest and hips are equal, but the waist is significantly less defined than that of an hourglass. What's more, when weight is gained, the first place fat is stored is at the tummy - the worst place in terms of risk to heart disease/diabetes, compared to boobs or thighs as is the case in other body types.

Years of track also contributed to my love for food. By that, I do not mean I was a picky eater; I was simply happy whenever I was in the act of filling my stomach, because granted, I was easily hungry, and I easily ate a LOT. I always had balanced meals because Chinks love veggies, and I never was fond of soda except for Mountain Dew. Fast food I ate only occasionally, despite the proximity of that McDonald's near Stuy. I loved candy and especially chocolate. I also had the perpetual craving for instant noodles. But largely, as I mention, I did not pay attention to what I ate; I just ate a lot of pretty much everything. During junior and senior year when I lived by myself in that basement room in Brooklyn, I almost always ate school breakfast and lunch. Dinner I usually bought from that cheap take-out place in Chinatown. At the beginning of senior year, after a combination of Ridwan and other cross-country issues, I quit the team (and running), cold turkey. All my other eating habits stayed the same, however, and I think it was pretty miraculous how I managed to retain my figure for the rest of senior year without much significant change. My march into Overweightdom began the summer before college, when I became reunited with my parents in Ohio.

For my last two years of high school, the parental units had developed the habit of overfeeding me whenever I was home, because, for whatever reason, they believed I must have perpetually starved myself silly whenever I went back to New York. Some time toward the end of summer break, in addition to my then-obvious tummy flab, I noticed the gap between my thighs started to disappear; when I twisted my torso, a line showed up. When my parents took me to buy pants, I moved up to size 7 or even 9 for some cuts. When I moved into dorm life a month or two later (after parents moved to Iowa), the process continued. My parents have started calling me fat by this stage. At one point, when Tomoya was still hitting on me, he told me sans-sarcasm that I was literally a little bigger each time he saw me. When I went back to Stuy for Alumni Day (Thanksgivings break 2007), I intentionally wore a shirt that would hide my tummy for the first time. Winter break, during my only stay in our Iowa home, I found I weighed 152 by then. Contrary to what I previously thought, my weight went up only slowly after this point, through my 2+ years with Jarek. At his Thanksgivings hotpot-turned-cooking-party this past autumn, I was 160. Immediately after I came back from Winter break, I was 175. I began to suspect I gain a significant amount of weight every time I go home, and then lose it naturally when I go back to school from simply eating normally again. Regardless, the regular pants I wore were sizes 11 or 13, depending on cut. Size 13 or 15 is about the last size there is before US women's pant sizes become plus sizes.

My posts in January were most likely coinciding with Jing simply ebbing back down to a pre-winter-break weight. Still, that scale was a big wake-up call. When I was still at home, I became interested in measurements (i.e., bust/waist/hips) for the first time. I found out I was a whopping 40-33-41, although this may not be accurate since I used a wire instead of measuring tape. Boob-wise, these weird masses on my chest were making 36B cups feel uncomfortably tight. If I go by my perfect fit in size-5 pants four years ago, I estimate my waist/hip was something perhaps along the lines of 26-36. I couldn't guess about my chest size because as everyone remembers, I had none back then. I could have been anywhere between 32 and 36 for all I know. My eating preferences had changed significantly since high school by this point; I have had an intolerance for sweets since freshman year, and as little as I liked soda, I like them even less now (even Mountain Dew) and prefer to get some sort of iced tea instead. Chocolate I could only tolerate dark, and in very small amounts, very occasionally. Instant noodles were the only things I still had a soft spot for. Of course, despite all that, I was still eating whatever I want, however much I want - and what I ate was usually healthy. The occasional craving for French fries was the only general 'non-healthy' thing I had.

For the first time, I analyzed what goes in my plate, how much, and when during the day. I'm not a believer of dieting - never was, and never will be. Instead, I drew patterns of my meals: for example, I noticed I'd only have a banana for breakfast, make noodle soup for lunch, and either make noodle soup again or buy food for dinner. All I did at first was simply revising the order a bit (noodles for breakfast, outside food for lunch, and a banana for dinner), and I lost my first ten pounds since those January posts. I stepped on that scale several times a day, and discovered that my morning weight is usually 2 pounds lighter than that the night before, and that immediately after eating, I tend to be 2-3 pounds more, depending on how much water I also drank. I also started keeping a log of my measurements for further insight. When a significant difference was observed, I make a dated entry, like these:

2/16/10
weight - 161.0 (morning)
armpits - 37 1/2
boobs - 38 1/2
under boobs - 32 1/2
waist - 30 1/2
flab - 36
hips - 39
calves - 16 and 1/8

3/3/10
weight - 156.4 (morning)
armpits - 37
boobs - 38 1/4
under boobs - 32 1/2
waist - 30 1/2
flab - 35 3/4
hips - 38 3/4
calves - 16

3/10/10
weight - 153.8 (morning)
armpits - 36
boobs - 37 1/2
under boobs - 31 1/2
waist - 29
flab - 34 3/4
hips - 38
calves - 15 1/4, 15 1/2 (left calf, right calf)

Where 'flab' is the part of my muffintop that protruded the most. Boob sizes were not the most accurate, as, I hope everyone knows, they are supposed to fluctuate, depending on where the woman is in her menstrual cycle. In any case, throughout the above phase, I kept the minus a pound a day rate on 'good days,' and staying largely the same on 'bad days.' It wasn't hard figuring out that 'bad days' almost always coincided with eating out, so pretty quickly I cut restaurants (fast food or not, they all give you giant proportions) out of my budget, unless I'm with friends. Even so, the change in my appetite became obvious in very little time as well. With no original intentions of doing so, I started eating less...because I simply couldn't eat more. Even when I voluntarily eat out nowadays, I end up boxing 1/3 to 1/2 of whatever I order, regardless of where I eat. Also extremely significant was my need to drink almost as much water as I did back in my running days, and a new, almost foreign, strict intolerance for MSG. This not only slashed instant noodles out of my diet, but any Campbell's soups that contained the stuff as well. Note, however, that in no way was I "dieting." I was singing the same old tune of I love eggs, I love carbs, I love fruits/veggies, and I'm okay with or without meats. I was still eating just fries for an entire meal too when I get the urge, except they are now the frozen type that you reheat through baking. In short, I was eating all the stuff I used to eat, except now I have apparently trained my appetite to be something more suitable for a person not running 5 miles a day, every day. A change I probably should have instilled three years earlier but didn't.

After the last above date, Jarek and I had a combined two weeks of Spring break that we took turns spending in Ohio and then the city - which involved a lot of eating out/meeting with friends. Quoted from my log: "My weight rebounded to 158 before I started eating normally again (after getting home). I skipped measurements until I reached a weight below that of the last entry, but now I wish I didn't - it looks like where those pounds were stored and from where they were lost are a little different this time." Stuff of the utmost interest if I were to really make a science out of this. Except, perhaps, that this might apply only to my body, at my current age.

4/4/10
weight - 151.4 (morning)
armpits - 36
boobs - 38
under boobs - 32
waist - 29
flab - 35
hips - 38
calves - 15 1/8, 15 1/4


4/13/10
weight - 147.8 (morning)
armpits - 35 1/2
boobs - 37 1/2
under boobs 31 1/2
waist - 29
flab 34 1/2
hips - 37 1/2
calves - 14 3/4, 15

And this is where I am now. In my mind I have a set goal of stopping at 130-135 just for nostalgia's sake, and then move on to the science of how to maintain it long-term. Of course, I'm still not running (because it's something I won't be able to keep up for the entire rest of my life anyway) or working out in any way, shape, or form, and therefore, even if I reach that weight again, a good chunk of it will be from curves and other meats of the fat variety. Surprisingly, I haven't lost a significant amount of boob; those 36B's simply fit a lot better now. When I use my spare money (that used to go into food) to buy clothes, I find I fit into M again (as I did toward the end of Stuy) as opposed to the L I've become so used to in the past two years. Pants-wise, I now wear those I used to wear freshman year of college when needed, though I no longer agree with the styling in a good chunk of other pairs. I have yet the need to buy new pants thanks to glorious April weathers, though I suspect I'm once again between 7 and 9.

My stomach has shrunk enough such that the same amount of food I used to cook for one meal, I now split between two: 2/3 for breakfast and 1/3 for lunch, with a fruit or two for dinner. This is now the new golden formula for a 1-pound drop by the next sunrise without feeling hungry doing it. It is of utmost interest that if I eat the same amount but all for breakfast, then fruit for lunch and nothing for dinner, I actually lose next to nothing the following day. There is a fine balance between eating just how much is needed and going into starvation mode. The latter simply doesn't work for me. If I'm hungry, and stay prolonged hungry, all I become is very, very pissed, and wonder how the hell do people become anorexic anyway when starvation clearly doesn't work. Love food, eat food, and pity the fact that less can simply fit now.

I do look forward to the day I can finally wear one particular pair of pants again, though...